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“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10
There is no drama in a Tuesday. No court date, no visit, no phone call scheduled. Just the same grey light through the same window and a whole day in front of me that nobody is watching me spend.
I used to think repentance was a moment. A prayer said hard enough, tears in the right place. It isn’t. It’s a Tuesday. It’s whether I get up when the light comes, whether I read, whether I keep my word to a man in the next bunk who has no way of holding me to it.
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The children go to bed at eight and the house gets so quiet I can hear the refrigerator. That hour used to frighten me. It has become a sanctuary.
My son turns nine this month. I will not be there. What I can be is a man he is not ashamed to describe. That work does not happen on visiting day. It happens now, on a Tuesday, where no one can see it.
Grace found me here, on the inside, in the part of me I had stopped showing anyone. It is slow. It is unglamorous. It is real.
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